Hibernation

It has been so long that it seems I have entirely lost my ability of expression. I feel like a batsman who is sorely out of form and attempting to get back to the basics trying to connect ball to bat…so help me, Lord!

It is worthwhile figuring out how I got here in the first place. What has kept me from writing all this time? It certainly was not the good ol' lack of time thing. While time is an oft touted reason for the inability to do something, I have never really believed it to be true. We are always able to find the time to pursue what we really want to. Was it then the 'writer's block'? Hardly. I could never have called myself a writer in the first place so such grand excuses were also not plausible. Truth be told, I have felt a vague and nagging emptiness over the past few months. An emptiness borne out of an inability to contribute my worth to those around me…and some events on the personal front also pushed me further into my literary shell.

So here I am...gingerly retracing my steps back into ViShesh PraRambh and hoping to find a quiet little corner within its confines. I had last dropped in here while I was in the cradle of the gentle Austrian Alps, from where I returned to Singapore rejuvenated and relaxed.

Which was also when I learnt about some new developments in my parent's health conditions…

My father, who had suffered two strokes in December 2007 was experiencing some complications which took him to the hospital on a weekly basis. Once the brain is affected, other body parts soon join the party and play havoc with the system. Also, my mother who had been coping remarkably well with the altered situation at home needed to take care of her own health. Her eyesight had deteriorated and needed a small corrective surgery. So off I went to Delhi to provide assistance and relief to my parents. The global nature of my job (and some very understanding and helpful colleagues) makes it possible for me to pretty much function from anywhere. All I need is a reliable internet connection, a functioning telephone line, and once my calendar is adjusted to the new time zone, I am all set to operate. These have become such essential prerequisites that one experiences extreme discomfort in their absence. What were we like before the advent of wireless technology??

Back to Delhi and the cataract procedure. Surgery performed successfully, scarcely had I brought my mother back home with the intent of providing her time off for the post op recovery, that my father determined we did not have enough excitement in our lives. Early the next morning, he fell unconscious in the bathroom. We would not have known of this at all were it not for a nasty bruise on the upper back. Stroke victims often suffer from short term memory loss, so he had only a vague recollection later of what had transpired. In all likelihood he had suffered a sudden blackout and collapsed on the floor like a heap of bricks. Upon regaining consciousness, he promptly came back to bed to continue his slumber. By the end of the day, his neck seemed to be strained at an angle so we took him to the hospital for a check up. Examinations revealed a fracture in the neck which, if disturbed even slightly, could have caused irreparable damage because of the proximity to the spinal cord. The next few days were spent in the hospital and my mother instantly transitioned back into her role of primary caregiver, notwithstanding her own condition. Over the next few days, our existence revolved around the hospital and we were glad to finally bring him back home with his neck ensconced in a brace.

I returned to Singapore a few days later with more questions than answers in my head. What caused the blackout? Would my parents be able to cope by themselves? Should I get them to Singapore? But travel was out of the question in the immediate term. Should I have stayed on longer? Then what about my work and travel commitments? The biggest question was (and remains) what I needed to do longer term to take care of them...India? Singapore?

In the coming weeks, there was some normalcy as my father recovered from his latest adventure.। traveled around the region. First to the Philippines...a country I love visiting and where I have thoroughly enjoyed my work over the past couple of years. A fascinating visit to Shanghai and Beijing followed...where I spent quality time with several colleagues and also went to a couple of their top business schools. I always enjoy being in an educational institution and was impressed by the clarity of vision of the leaders I met. In China, business education is scarcely seventeen years old, yet they have made great strides in creating high quality programmes comparable to the best anywhere. I can see them gaining ascendancy in the decades to come as leading providers of business education of global relevance. My stay in Beijing was brief, but I did get away one evening to see the world famous Bird's Nest and Water Cube...resplendent under the bright lights. This was not my first visit to China, but this time I felt I had gained some deeper insights. It gave me a chance to strengthen old relationships, and to form new ones. The confidence and purpose in the people was palpable. And despite the developments of the past few years which have catapulted China into global prominence, I did not sense any arrogance among its constituents. Surely, these will be very exciting times for the people of this nation.

November brought with it some hope. Work had gained momentum and I looked forward to getting some initiatives off the ground. We also planned a year end visit to Sydney. I have family there and we have not met for a while. As the year draws to a close, there is a general slowdown...the pace of activity reduces, people wear a relaxed demeanour as they plan for their time with friends and family, Christmas carols play non-stop, and there is an air of festivity all around. At such a time, what better place to be than Australia? And since I anyway carry my office in a backpack, all I needed were the bare essentials – the internet connection and a telephone line! The plan was to spend a couple of weeks working from Sydney and then to take time off during the final week of 2009.

My father, however, had other thoughts. Perhaps he was missing my company. So once again he fell into a sudden faint (thankfully this time was in a shop while leaning over the counter). The drill was repeated...back to hospital in an ambulance, more check ups. A few days later I found myself back in Delhi again doing the rounds of doctors. Once more, there were more questions than answers. Nobody could clearly explain what was causing the blackouts, yet all agreed that it was not a happy place to be. The medication was carefully reviewed and rebalanced. I had another discussion with the doctor who impressed upon me that his brain power was unlikely to return to its previous levels and that one needed to consider a future with his reduced faculties. Perhaps I have spent too long in the corporate sector...but the words 'new normal' reverberated in my head. Was this the future one had to contend with? I looked for other therapies and explored Ayurveda - the traditional Indian medical science which uses natural methods of healing and focuses on addressing root causes behind apparent manifestations. I had been through one such treatment a few years ago. I spoke to the doctors about it. None offered much hope of a recovery. But neither did they say with certainty that it would NOT work. So what was the harm in trying? And as was to be expected, I met with much protest from both my parents on being subjected to more treatment.

But the decision is made! They shall be duly dispatched tomorrow to the Ayurvedic centre in Delhi for a fortnight of oil massages, yoga and a healthy diet of vegetarian food.

Even though my visit was in somewhat dire circumstances, I did get to enjoy the Delhi winter, which I have missed for many years having lived in tropical climates for the past ten years. Having the morning sun upon your back while reading a newspaper and sipping a warm cup of coffee are luxuries of a bygone era! The other highlight was a Saturday evening in the company of some excellent people – old friends and new – who are eagerly devoting their energies to enhancing the lives of others around them. One of them is focused on healthcare for the masses, another on financing the rural poor in north India, and a couple others are actively partnering with social entrepreneurs in their quest for bringing about positive change in the society. The dialogue was engaging, and I was thrilled that some new connections were made as people resolved to join forces with each other. It would give me immense pleasure to be of some assistance in their laudable efforts.

I spent last week in Singapore and then over the weekend went across to Chennai to work with the microfinance organisation that I had been introduced to during the summer. It was wonderful to be back in their office, a quaint old bungalow, where I had working sessions with the management team. Since my last visit, they have inducted fresh people into the organisation and are facing a new set of challenges and opportunities. We discussed a number of issues...like how they would preserve their unique culture of service to the rural poor as they expanded their organisation; or continue to be lowest cost providers of finance to their customers and enhance their social impact. It was exhilarating being with such committed and focused people and I felt privileged to be a small part of their world.

The year end plans for Australia still hold...though it will be a shorter trip than what I had envisaged originally. Thoughts of being with family bring comfort and joy...I look forward to being with the elders and learning about aspirations of the youngsters. I hope to find some time to be in reflection and gratitude for all that has been bestowed upon me. As I look back at the year gone by, there is still a nagging emptiness…but it is not unaccompanied by resolve for the future. I look for the wheels to turn…in hope that they shall lead me to a path of productivity and benefit for others around me. After all, what else is there to really live for?

Besides good single malt, of course.

Of which I hope there will be ample supply down under…