एक ऐसे गगन के तले

I have had a strange relationship with sleep. All through my childhood and teenage years, I slept the sleep of the dead. We used to live in a university campus in New Delhi (JNU) and our house was on the landing path for flights to the international airport. Air traffic would intensify during night time with several jets flying low and their drone would drown all other sounds. Conversations - in person or over telephone - would cease while they passed overhead. Each night, I would get into bed and flip through my favourite bed time reading, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, presented to me on my 10th (?) birthday by my gifted cousins (alluded to in my previous post)...and slowly transport myself to a mysterious world. And once I was asleep not even the closest, loudest of these big flying machines could penetrate the depths of my slumber. I will reluctantly admit that this book has continued to be my bedside companion well into the 30s and I still sometimes find myself flipping through the fascinating adventures of Mr. Holmes of Baker Street!


I first experienced insomnia during my Masters programme when a spat with one of my professors - what I considered to be of a purely academic nature - rapidly turned ugly and almost cost me my place in the institute. And this, despite having fairly decent grades and immersing myself in various activities intended to enhance the standing of the institute. It was an early lesson that being principled and stubborn came at a price! Some years later, as challenges at the workplace intensified to a point where my team and I were faced with unprecedented situations, I again started losing sleep. I would be up late at night either pacing the living room, or going back to my laptop. This time the insomnia lasted several years...in fact, I have never quite regained the carefree sleep of my childhood. While there have been periods during which I have slept peacefully and woken up afresh and energetic, they have never lasted too long and it takes the slightest provocation for me to lose my sleep. Even then, I continue to stubbornly evade any form of medication believing that the malady will eventually correct itself. But when I come across people that can sleep undisturbed for hours on end, I do feel a pang of envy. It has been many years since I have experienced the bliss of uninterrupted slumber...


Tonight again I know sleep will remain elusive until I am overcome by sheer exhuastion. We had spent the day browsing through shops on Orchard Street, brightly decorated for Christmas and teeming with tourists and locals. We were giving our family the quintessential Singapore retail experience...replete with a meal at the foodcourt. Till I was rudely jolted with the buzz of my cellphone which indicated that the burglar alarm had gone off at home. It took six minutes for the police to reach and another twentyfive for us to scramble home. The two policemen on call - now on a repeat visit - concluded that in all likelihood it was a false alarm triggered by some inexplicable movement. Somehow, that doesnt quite sit well. After all, the system has been activated each night for the past several weeks with no such occurrence. Coming as it did on the heels of our recent robbery, the incident will leave its mark as we seek explanations, evaluate and eliminate possibilities. The return to normalcy, slow as it was, will now be further delayed.

So here I am...the book has been replaced by the keyboard. Well, not entirely. I finished reading The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid, recently recommended by my friend who was confident I would find it engrossing - which, sure enough I did. And as I force myself to shut down the laptop, a tranquil melody fills my ears. I Google for lyrics and my wife comes to the rescue and proceeds to sing a few lines for me. Perhaps she thinks the lullaby would give me a much needed shuteye! I hope that these are the last sounds of the night...and I look forward to a new day, with new hopes and aspirations. Here are the lyrics of the famous song by Kishore da which have been ringing in my ears. May they come true...Goodnight!

Aa chal ke tujhe, main le ke chaluun ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhii na ho, aansoo bhi na ho bas pyaar hii pyaar pale  Aa chal ke tujeh main le ke chaluun ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho bas pyaar hi pyaar pale ik aise gagan ke tale  Suraj ki pahali kiran se, aashaa kaa savera jaage (2) chandaa kii kiraN se dhul kar, ghanaghor andhera bhaage (2)  kabhi dhuup khile kabhi chhaav mile lambii sii Dagar na khale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho  bas pyaar hi pyaar pale ik aise gagan ke tale  Jahan door nazar daud aae, aazaad gagan laharaae laharaee (2) jahan rang birange panchhi, aashaa kaa sandesaa laayen (2) sapano me pali hansati ho kali jahan shaam suhaani dhale jahan gam bhi na ho, aansoo bhi na ho bas pyaar hi pyaar pale ik aise gagan ke tale  Sapano Ke aise jahan mein jahan pyaar hi pyaar khila ho  hum jaa ke vahan kho jaaye shikuva na koyi ghila ho  kahin bhair na ho koyi ghair na ho sab milke chalte chale  jahan gam bhi na ho aansoo bhi na ho bas pyaar hi pyaar pale ik aise gagan ke tale aa chal ke tujeh mein leke chaluun  ik aise gagan ke tale jahan gam bhi na ho aansoo bhi na ho bas pyaar hi pyaar pale ik aise gagan ke tale