Of old friendships...lost and regained

The decision to move to Singapore was taken towards the end of 2007, prompted by a combination of professional and personal factors. My job in India had been one long and exhilarating, yet tiring, journey as our organisatoin grew by leaps and bounds. I had long felt the need for a change and was desirous of learning about new cultures and sharing my experiences with other countries facing similar challenges as I had during my last few years in India. On the personal front, it had simply become unsustainable to continue living in metropolitan India. After three very dangerous and near fatal asthma attacks over a span of two years, I needed to figure out where I had a reasonable chance of survival. Thanks to a very generous organisation, I was not short of options. After considering various locations around the world, I settled upon Singapore...it had proximity to several growing markets across Asia and was a great travel hub. It also had very clean air and a tropical climate that suited my condition. And it was not far from India.

In April, 2008 I began my life in this new country. I was now officially a ‘foreigner’…my identity card had the letters FIN (Foreigner Identification Number) printed on it.

Over two years have passed since then and I have slowly begun to acknowledge changes that have taken place in my life. The first was on the health front, which improved significantly after moving to Singapore. For perhaps the first time, I was able to expand my chest and fill my lungs with air without hearing a wheezing sound. I ran a 5km race within a month of arriving in town. I started exercising and training. The nature of my work and even the workplace changed dramatically. From a noisy and buzzing office in Bangalore that was filled with meetings from morning to night and where every day revealed a new crisis, I was now in a global role where appointments were made and respected, life revolved around conference calls which people diligently prepared for, and my cell phone would ring only occasionally. I traveled to different countries and worked actively with new cultures - learning and advising - and was fascinated to discover similarities and differences from my own.

Outside of work, I sensed some degree of ethnic centricity in how people lived their social lives. They tended to congregate and mingle within familiar boundaries. Indians with other Indians. Chinese with the Chinese. Brits, Aussies and Americans with their like (or 'Caucasians' as they are often referred to in Asia). Not to say that this is all very stark and restrictive, but that is the general picture…

The desire to have a dog grew stronger. It had been many years since I had one running around the house. Constant change of cities and unrelenting work pressure had kept me from making the commitment thus far. But now was really the time, I felt. It would still take two years before a puppy would walk into our house.

There was another realization, which has taken a while to acknowledge and reconcile to. And that was the loss of old friendships. Those that I had grown up with had already dispersed to different parts of the world. Most of my friends were in their early parenting years with lives centering on their progeny. Conversations now were shorter and less intimate.  We were content just to learn that the other was well, or hasten to offer help if needed. Everyone was busy with their careers and managing their households Without even knowing it, our outlooks were becoming divergent. The commonalities - shared desires, activities and aspirations - had shrunk. I was the outlier. The one that had never desired children. Even those that I had been close to the past few years began to drift away, slowly but surely. Now that the context had changed, maybe we just did not have that much relevance in each others existence. I was feeling the effects of my personality and decisions. It had become lonely out there...

But that doesn’t make life gloomy and I am not moping about with a long face. These are just realizations that come with the passage of time and advancing of years…some that one rues at and reminisces, and others that bring a smile on one's face. Like my work, which is pretty intense and offers room for creativity and having a positive impact on people. I constantly get the opportunity to work with new people around the world, both within and outside my company. I travel extensively. There is energy and excitement.

And a new friend at home who is quite a delight!

Health has been great...

Or is that changing again?? In the past month one of my oldest friend’s has reappeared...bronchial asthma! Nothing serious. Just a friendly reminder that he is never too far away... The familiar constriction of the lungs on occasion. Affected sleep. There is suspicion that it may have something to do with our four legged friend…hair being shed from his coat may be triggering off the allergic condition. But we are fortunate to have an outside area for him to live and play in. So we shall keep a close watch.

I am determined to do everything in my power to stay healthy and productive…as I am to experience the joy of a wonderful pet at home. That is not too much to ask out of life, is it?

In search of the holy cow!

I was returning from a game of badminton this weekend when I realised that we have now been living in Singapore for over nine months. The first protracted length of time spent in a country different from the one of my birth, where I grew up and got educated, and where I spent several years of my working life.

I now live in what is commonly described as the first world. A world where refrains such as 'quality of life' or 'standard of living' aquire a definite shape and meaning. During my growing up years in India, these phrases were only niceties, associated with some other, distant world.

There are some obvious differences between the first world and the third world (for that is how India would be classified). Like population. This country has 4.8 million people living in various kinds of abodes, where even the most basic is of a very high standard, and spread over 700 square kilometers. Not a very large area, but the point is about density, not land mass. By contrast, the city where I was born - Delhi - now (officially) has 13 million spread over just about double this area. And another one where I spent four years - our commercial and entertainment capital Bombay (I still cant get my tongue around Mumbai) - has just under 14 million of us crammed into 600 square kilometers.

The next big difference is the traffic. A 20 kilometer commute takes approximately a similar amount of time...and nearly carries you across the breadth of the country and all the way into neighbouring Malaysia! Those of us who have lived in Bombay or Bangalore, as I have, will tell you with exasperation how half that distance often takes double the time. On a good day. Then there is the road ettiquette. One of the pleasing experiences everytime I used to travel from India was the sudden and complete absence of noise on the road. Strangely I discovered that a large number of vehicles were actually able to traverse great distances without creating any ambient noise. But then, I think honking is a feature unique to us Indians...only we can truly appreciate the music produced by the inmates of vehicles...several 100 thumbs pressed in unison over the horn, when they are in a situation of complete and irreversible lockjam occupying every single centimeter of available space! I have been to other places where a similar level of traffic and chaos is not accompanied by high decibel levels. Even in countries that would constitute our third world...one only needs to travel to neighbouring Sri Lanka or to places like Philippines and experience the difference.

Then there is the civic sense and cleanliness. How people are trained to follow rules and have generally accepted norms of public behaviour. Like cleaning their own mess and leaving a public space the way they found it... My new city apparently gets washed top to bottom every single day and sets a high benchmark for the rest of the developed world. Yesterday during a dinner hosted by some expat families on the occassion of the Chinese New Year I leant that there were laws here which required even cars to remain spotlessly clean! Or the standard of civility in dealings with fellow human beings. As an example, it is actually possible to have a conversation with a law enforcement officer. And that the equivalent of the paan chewing robot that issues tickets from behind the dirty glass counter in railway stations in India - the one that is only trained to utter syllables like "Tender exact change, else leave". In the first world, these are human beings capable of dialogue! Sometimes they even smile. Perhaps because on average these citizens earn 25 times what their counterparts in the third world do. You would think that is reason enough to smile...

And of course there are the magnificent buildings, the awe inspiring architecture, wonderful gourmet restaurants, lively pubs and grand shopping complexes selling exotic fares. Speaking of which...I once saw a long queue of people patiently waiting for entry to a store. Upon enquiry, I was told that the wait would last several minutes, perhaps an hour or more. The occassion? Loius Vuitton had a sale on ladies handbags. My previous experiences with long queues were at the immigration checkpoints in overcrowded airports in India. But then those queues were different...there was palpable impatience and irritation in the crowd waiting to board their flights to distant lands. This one was more akin to what I saw many years ago at Vaishno Devi after a gruelling trek of several hours and where pilgrims patiently waited for a glimpse of the deity. I think the beatific expression on people's faces was similar.

However, all these just make for interesting and at times superfluous conversations. The larger point is this - it takes very little for our mind to adjust to material comfort and convenience. And for it to distance itself from difficulties. Which is why scores of people migrate from the third world to the first world. I observe my own experiences...how easily I have come to expect that my commute to office will last a mere 20 minutes, traveling in silence over a well laid out expressway, and on which I drive at 90 kilometers an hour. Or the airconditioned existence I lead, starting from my house to office and including the grocery store, shopping malls, trains, buses and taxis...down to the community gymnasium provided for public well being by the government. I take all these for granted today. And to think that I grew up in a city where the summer temparature would reach a searing 45 degree celcius or more, accompanied by daily power cuts in the middle of the night...and we did not even have an airconditioner till I started working! The feeling of lying in bed drenched in sweat, with the constant buzzing of mosquitos, undeterred by the electric repeller now rendered ineffective, and the endless wait for the fan to start rotating once again. Or sleeping on the dirty floor of the second class sleeper compartment of a train during my student years travelling from Pune to Delhi. All these are distant memories which only surface when deliberately extricated from the deep recesses of my mind. Simply because the mind has been acclimatised to seek comfort and shun its opposite. This, my current existence, is the only reality to covet.

But before I veer further off into the philosophical, I am reminded of a recently and previously undiscovered shortcoming of the first world, without which this account will surely be incomplete. We were seated around the breakfast table in our house and the discussion suddenly came to centre on...milk! My visiting family - parents and mother-in-law - described how the milk here was not quite up to the mark. Attempts to make paneer and curd had failed miserably. Not rich enough, they proclaimed. And then the penny dropped for my mother in law, who is on her maiden overseas voyage. The reason was, she stated with a sparkle in her eyes...that there were no cows in this country! None had been spotted crossing the road!! No wonder the milk lacked potency. It took a while for suspicion to pave way for reason, argued assiduously by the wife...this was super slim milk...specially selected for daily consumption due to its healthy, fat free qualities, etc. Though I suspect she is still not entirely convinced.

I have visions of embarking on a hunt for cows in Singapore to conclusively lay the matter to rest... Which is when the brain again begins to shutdown. At 4am. On the glorious morning of the first day of the Chinese New Year. The year of the Ox! Also Australia Day. And of course, the 60th Republic Day of India. Best wishes to all on January the twentysixth, 2009!